Choosing Empathy
I am working with a coaching client right now who is experimenting with submerging his ego. Realising that his ego is disrupting team dynamics, he knows it’s time to drop the protective armour and let others see his human side. But he doesn’t know how. I am helping him choose empathy.
Choosing empathy
The path to greater connection and trust with team members is to have greater empathy for them. This means consciously stepping to the side of our team members and seeing things from their perspective.
Difference between empathy and sympathy
I often see leaders confusing sympathy for empathy. Sympathy involves understanding the plight of others from our own perspectives. We ask ourselves what we would feel in their shoes and act according to how we would want to be treated. Empathy, on the other hand, involves actively listening to how the person feels and putting ourselves in their shoes to try and understand why they may have these feelings. In becoming aware of the underlying reasons for why a person feels the way they do, we are in a more informed position to support them.
Empathy in action
Let us take the example of delegating a matter to a team member. All too often, an urgency arises and we don’t have time or space to delay. We forward the email directly to our team member with the message “Please deal”. We see ourselves as calm and decisive. But we are choosing to ignore the opportunity for learning. We can choose empathy.
Empathy means:
stepping to the side of our team member and seeing the task through their eyes.
reflecting on their strengths and experience of tasks of this nature.
considering the greater context – what the business or client needs, what are the likely obstacles / pitfalls ahead and how might I pre-empt or avoid?
connecting to the memory of how it feels to be in a state of discomfort due to urgency, lack of context or bigger picture, not knowing whether we can do it.
assessing what compassion looks like in that moment – how can you better serve your team member to empower them to fully deal with the issue.
adjusting your actions to take account of what you have gathered.
When we submerge our egos and open our hearts in this way, team members feel the belief and trust we have in them. And feeling that trust gives them permission to trust themselves. Trust that they can achieve whatever they put their minds to. Trust that they can figure out what they do not know and get the thing done.
If we want people around us to fulfil their highest potential, we need to humanize ourselves. Not dehumanize them. We need to empathise with them and alter our steps to show them how much we care about them and how they learn and grow.
If you want to have greater impact on the people and businesses you serve, reach out to engage in C-Success Coaching at https://www.kiranscarr.com/coaching.