Be a leader who coaches

As a young lawyer I was trained to negotiate to ‘Yes’. That worked well for me when I was on the conveyor belt of closing multiple transactions on tight timelines. I managed delivery efficiently by delegating specific tasks and demanding outcomes by stated times to get deals done. As soon as I started to lead diverse teams through enterprise-level change, however, this authoritarian approach stopped working for me.  My focus had to shift from controlling conversations to focusing on influencing behaviour.

Choosing to influence people rather than control results takes a deliberate shift in how we behave as leaders. It’s hard to do; it requires us to undo years of conditioning that tells us that successful delivery means telling  people what to do. In fact, our job as leaders is to help people think.

The leader who coaches holds a space for people to think, ideate and create.  Rather than jump into directing, suggesting and solving, we listen and help to deepen understanding, exploration and problem solving.

If you want to be a leader who coaches, here are 7 essential tricks you can try to shift your conversations from directive to transformative:

Trick 1: Replace closed questions with open, powerful questions.

Open questions start with What, How, Who or Where like:

·        What would be the benefit of that option?

·        What are you concerned about?

·        What do you really want here?

By applying this approach, we invite introspection, creativity and new insights. Rather than steamrolling someone into solutions mode, it allows them to consider diverse ideas and options before moving to solutions. It may take a bit longer than telling someone what to do, but it will ensure that the solutions that flow are created with current circumstances and future-focus in view.

Trick 2: Avoid using questions that start with Why.

Why can sound confrontational and judgmental. It can invite a person to go on the attack or encourage defensive behaviour:

·        Why did you do it that way?

·        Why didn’t you ask?

Convert your why questions into what or how questions like:

·        What were the benefits of trying that?

·        How did that go?

Trick 3: Invite a person to look within.

Think about a time when you sat calmly with someone you trust and told them how you feel. Connecting to them through your vulnerability. Brave, wasn’t it? But also incredibly empowering.  Think how empowering it is to be asked:

·        What about that is important to you?

·        If you were not holding back, what would you be doing?

·        What are you not facing that is right in front of you?

·        What did you learn?

And think how powerful it is to be silent with them for as long as it takes them to explore that thoughtful discovery.

 Trick 4: Invite a person to look into the future.

Once a person has connected to where they are, they are more ready to face what is ahead.  Take them to that place through your questions:

·        What will happen if you make that move?

·        How would this situation have to change for it to be exactly right for you?

·        What do you already know that we are going to find out in a year?

·        At the end of your time here, what do you want to say you achieved when you look back?

Put well, a future-focused question can stop a person in their tracks. Give them time and space to think, explore and see what they haven’t seen before.

Trick 5: Ask simple questions that bottom-line issues.

As leaders, we derive fulfilment from seeing success unfold. We are drawn to focus on outcomes. And yet there are so many people issues, challenges and distractions that keep us from progress. What works often is to focus squarely on what is in front of us. Invite a person to simply confront the nub of the issue:

·        What do you really want?

·        What’s holding you back?

·        How can you help the situation?

·        What does success look like?

Ready yourself for a surprising outcome. The conversation may take an unexpected turn when a question unlocks a fundamental blockage in someone’s thinking. You may even feel the energy shift in the discussion.

Trick 6: If you run out of questions, ask something obvious.

It can be exhausting to give a person undivided attention in a coaching conversation. If your attention has slipped, or you simply have not followed what has been said, use the following:

·        What will you do?

·        Where do you go next?

·        Where do you want to get to?

·        What is your stretch here?

 It will give you time to catch-up and may even take the exploration in a new direction.

Trick 7: Find out what support the person needs to take things forward.

The conversation may stall if a person feels they do not have sufficient resources at hand.  Sometimes the coaching conversation moves quickly into discovering what support you can provide to get things back on track.  You can help a person become unstuck with questions like:

·        Who should be involved?

·        What don’t you know that you could find out?

·        Who can help you here?

·        What needs improvement that I haven’t noticed?

Every discussion we have is an opportunity to learn rather than teach. The gift of leadership tells us that we are at deepest service to others when we provide them with space to explore and uncover their highest potential. Use your time well and you will engage, empower and enable others to achieve success for themselves as well as those around them. 

 If you want to better Relate to the people around you, reach out to find out more about C-Success Coaching at https://www.kiranscarr.com/coaching.